HALLOWEEEN. instead of buying my slutty alice in whoreyland costume or something skankyass at a store, i decided to make my costume. hmmm. but what should i be? i have a blond fro. hmmm. bette midler? the blonde venus? a mad scientist? naw. i will be the cartoon hottie Patti Mayonnaise. adorable id say. people actually knew who i was which was nice. i also made matching underwear so when i “hypothetically” bent over in my drunkenness people would still get a view of my awesomeness and polka dots. tim was robert de niro from Taxi Driver. soo badass. he made me shave his head which freaked me out because i didnt want to mess up his sweet do. i eventually got over myself and shaved that bitch. good times. i wish i ate candy…instead, an intensely crowded white castle filled with drunk 20 somethings and thousands of mini burgers. we got a tad bit lost so i started asking random people in the street where the fuck we were. most people i stopped just so happened to be gay and they all responded with something like ::GASP:: “Bette Midler!”…..no. Patti Mayonnaise. agh. the parties we went to were a lot of fun and were extremely crowded. i wish there was some dancing…and candy. that would have made the night even more amaaaazing…..