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warning: I DONT KNOW NO GRAMMER

my goodness. Ottawa. Home of Canada’s parliament which is gorgeous, poutine…still haven’t had it, a GIGANTIC spider statue and of course north America’s biggest/baddest international animation festival.

I went. It RULED. That is all.

My friend/roomy Timothy…who actually had a piece in the fest (word.) drove me, my friend Lizzie and Gene up from lil NYC to the Ottawa. it actually (Tim will say I complained..I did…Im a jew. I can’t help it) was a good ol drive filled with strange rest stops which in the bathrooms gave you the option of purchasing a lovely cockring, condom (European style), or lube while you rest. What the heck Canada? You freaky bitches. Not only you can pump your gas with fuel and buy a sandwich but you can also buy a cock ring…with or without spikes. goood times. we survived on tastykakes and awesome asian gummies. I do not like pineapple.

Because I can type about Ottawa and my time there for EVERRR…I will be a wee bit brief.

I crashed in Tims hotel room, because hes awesomely nice which ended up being sooooo much fun because a bunch of other cool animation peeps were staying in the same hotel as us=constant partying 24/7. Man. Animators can sure party. its insane. I believe I was slightly inebriated at  least every night there, needless to say I can get tipsy from one beer, but I was STILL slightly inebriated. STILL.

Everyone I met were extraordinarily nice (I believe it was the maple, hockey and bacony-yummys) and I made some great friends/contacts. Pumpkin carving happened…I didnt do it this year (though our pumpkin last year ruled the school…we made a nude pumpkin man in a jail cell….who was suggestively getting some from his inmate. sick.).

DID I MENTION OTTAWA IS FUCKING COLD????

seriously. it’s about 20 degrees colder there at least!! I wore my winter jacket the whole time and was forced to buy gloves because Ottawa wanted my hands to fall off. bah. i HATE the cold. apparently that was nothing and we should come back in February to witness the real Ottawa cold. PSH. Fuck no. never. ever. animation festivals are cold and good enough for me.

While walking in Ottawa with some friends a gang of dudes ran by us pushing us while another guy ran past us…who just so happen to have a GIGANTIC knife. It was like a hunters knife. or a machete. only in Ottawa. or west philly.

oh yeah. the animations were cool too even though my ass kept falling asleep. some man behind me at some point fell asleep and snored. I swear my numb ass vibrated from his snarly-snores.

there were some amazing animations…especially the Estonian pieces. they were FANTASTIC! I mean one piece was if you combined obnoxious pastels, a John Waters flick, Edward Scissorhands and Ryan blah-blee-blah-bloo from RISD…freaking genius. The timing in them was absolutely perfect…and it made the films…not to mention their bizarre aesthetic which I would obviously love.  the first flick had a scene with a couple molesting each other while cutting a fish and molesting a fish…i thought it was seriously sexy. even though they Western screwing each other, the timing of them touching and moving almost flying in the kitchen was perfect. The fish they kept cutting was in a sort of cycle where when they cut it, it healed and the proceeded to do the same thing until the next scene. meow. it was so nonsensical that it actually made sense (the whole piece). I think people should make more films like this, or other people than Estonians. They’re not afraid to experiment with well…ANYTHING!!!! how can I become a native Estonian?

the fest btw…was a total SAUSAGE fest!!! I loved it. Sexy dorky nerd dudes talking about animation = do me now.

It’s crazy to see how the industry is definitely run by men…not to be a feminist or anything….but that’s just stupid. Actually the one interesting female who actually spoke/was a judge was Suzan Pitt… a goddess. Her retrospective was great and it was refreshing to see animations that were daring and without robots, dinosaurs, zombies, futuristic things and dicks. o wait. there were dicks. but asparagus dicks. Will YOU have my babies Suzan? some dude at the Don Hertzfeldt retrospective asked him that. GAY. really? thats what you tell/ask Don in front of hundreds of people? give him a break. Im sure he gets thousands of boy fan mail everyday telling him how badly they wanna bone him. JESUS. Don seemed like a normal, nice guy and the people at the retrospective asked the woooorst questions. all stupid things like something with wine and jesus to babies and animation. BORING. these were dumb questions im sure he is asked all the time, and yes, he is Jesus. i think he should be asked strange random questions that have NOTHING to do with animation and babies. i seriously wanted to get up and ask him what his favorite sandwich is…even at the after party people surrounded him till he was literally cornered, and im sure no one asked him what his favorite sandwich was. sad times Don, sad times. hes just a normal dude who likes to draw. bloody depressingly hilarious drawings.

Theres more…but I am too damn lazy to type more. I will however post some sweeet and strange bathroom pictures from Ottawa soon…when I get them from Michaela. The bathrooms were AMAZZZZZINNNG…this one had a drinking fountain literally attached to the bowl but had a strange pipe leading from the bowl to the fountain…you will just have to wait to see this magical thing.

HAZAAAH.

ps. I was asked what my inspiration was for MEATWAFFLE. my life motherfucker, my life. why do we have to explain everything? or at least Americans must have a cohesive explanation or they blow up. the Estonians never explain. perhaps I will start making up strange stories on my inspirations. like. one day i was tripping on e and ended up in the pinebarrons. a bear saw me and thought  i was a dying salmon because i was flapping up and down on the ground fucking the dirt because i thought it was so sexy and the dirt felt like silky finger tips molesting my dirty skin.  the bear came over and smelled me to decide if i was indeed a dying salmon. he decided i was and ate me in one gulp. a local gunman near by saw the bear and shot him in the head…he gutted him and pulled me out and being night-time, decided to leave me in the bears warm newly dead carcass to go get help. sitting in the bear carcass in my drug induced a coma, i decided i should make something resembling MEATWAFFLE. http://www.vimeo.com/6801558

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